


because when we're together (you're so good)

by fools_mp3



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: A NEW TAG, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, GET IT, M/M, Some Angst Zero, bc we love friends 2 lovers, but also cheezy?, instead of coke zero, lil bit of jihoon/daniel, not tagging side pairings!, ongniel is strictly platonic, only some Diet Angst, slight angst, so much cheeze, whatelse, womp womp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-07 04:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12225465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fools_mp3/pseuds/fools_mp3
Summary: “A-are you..” Seongwoo says carefully. “Are you going to cry?”“Huh? What the fuck.No....” the guy sniffles, but tries to cover it up with a snort.Seongwoo sees him wipe his eyes. He frowns.“Shouldn’t I be the one who’s crying?I'mthe one who got my hand burnt!”“I’m not crying!” the guy huffs, obviously crying. “It’s just, your hand is burnt.It's my fault!”(alternatively, the 3 times minhyun spills hot drinks on seongwoo)





	1. i. verve

**Author's Note:**

> couple things before we get started!
> 
> 1) jihoon/daniel are a side pairing to this  
> 2) jihoon aged up to be the same age as daniel/ong/minhyun -- aka 3rd years  
> 3) jisung's in grad  
> 4) i might switch off from calling it a dorm/apartment? but it's an apartment dorm! hahaha
> 
> unbeta'd

When Seongwoo first entered university with Daniel, he had this preconceived idea about how college was going to _change_ him. It’s not like him and Daniel were worse off in high school, but he never felt truly happy or in his element. With the idea of university, he expected an enlightenment. A spark within him; a journey filled with college parties, an abundance of friends, and a new adventure everyday. A summer camp, but four years. And almost year round, he decided.  
  
What he got instead was Daniel, his other best friend Jisung -- who he had met in Calculus -- staying up all night to do papers for his Literary Analysis class, late night gaming, and the occasional party in which he got blackout drunk.  
  
Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t disappointed. He found out within his first and second year of university, that this - this was the college experience he preferred. Snuggling with Daniel and Jisung on his couch watching variety, driving to the late night Chick Fil A (not on Sundays, of course) to get some waffle fries, and ( _almost_!) burning his apartment suite down by forgetting to add water to his microwaveable ramen -- this was the college experience he preferred.  
  
In a way, he was in his element. _This_ was his enlightenment. He didn’t feel the need to live up to a certain expectation on what his college experience was supposed to be anymore. He was doing just fine now with his best friends, just barely passing his classes, and the novelty of being able to stay at home watching TV instead of going out. But out of everything, those weren’t the most important things that came out of his college ‘journey’ - his friends, his classes, being in his element, and anime. No, that was Minhyun.  
  
**i.**

  
The first time he meets Minhyun, he’s in the school dining hall trying to get hot water into his ramen bowl.  
  
_Usually_ , Seongwoo’s too antisocial and too lazy to go all the way to the school dining hall just to get hot water. _Usually_ , he has an electric kettle in his apartment catered specifically to his ever lazy needs. And _usually_ , Daniel’s not stupid, and doesn’t gives their kettle away to people.  
  
But, apparently, today was an unusual day.  
  
Because here Seongwoo was, standing in his pajamas, trying to get this _godforsaken_ Nimbus 2000 ( _or whatever the hell_ ) to just work and give him some _goddamn_ water, the electric kettle in their apartment is gone, and Daniel was stupid enough to give said kettle away to their surprisingly small and cute Public Speaking TA that he’s had a crush on since freshman year.  
  
(“I don’t understand why you’re getting so pissy, Seongwoo!” Daniel cried. “He wanted an electric kettle, I had an electric kettle, it made sense!”  
  
“It was _our_ electric kettle, you ass!”  
  
“I’m not the ass here, I’m just trying to _get_ ass!”  
  
“Oh my fucking God, Dan, I'm unfriending you. I swear on it. _Blocked._ ”  
  
“Hey! You know I hate it when you call me Dan,” Daniel humphs. “And anyway, you can't unfriend me. Or block me. In person? That's not how it _works._

"Well now it does,  _Daniel._ Blocked  _and_ reported now, since you want to complain."

"Hey! You’ll take that back when I let you officiate mine and Jihoon’s wedding.”  
  
Seongwoo grumbles. “After giving him our kettle, marrying you is the least he could do.”)  


He’s one second away from giving up and making the walk of shame back to his apartment suite, sans hot water, sans dinner, when he hears a noise from behind him.  
  
“Hey, uh, do you need help?”  
  
Seongwoo jumps in surprise, and in the midst of it, presses some button on the machine, and hot water starts (finally) flowing out of the machine, and unfortunately onto his hand. 

“Ow, ouch, _fuck_!”  
  
“O-Oh _no_ , oh fuck, holy shit you’re getting burned _holy fuc_ -”

  
“I fucking know I’m bur - _how do you turn this shit off_ -”

  
“Oh it’s just right there you ju-”  
  
It’s a mess of things, really. Seongwoo’s hand is burnt, there’s hot water dripping all over the counter, the guy who had offered him help kind of looks like he wants to cry, and people are staring.  
  
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t meant to scare you, like, _oh my god_. I just thought you know, you looked like you kind of needed some help, you know? So I thought I would go ahead and offer my services or whatever, _‘cos like_ , that’s the polite thing to do and all? But then you got your hand burned, and holy shit, it looks kinda red - does it hurt?” the guy’s eyes are welling up, and he can’t stop rambling.  
  
Seongwoo pauses.  
  
“A-are you..” Seongwoo says carefully. “Are you going to cry?”  
  
“Huh? What the fuck. No..” the guy sniffles, but tries to cover it up with a snort.  
  
Seongwoo sees him wipe his eyes. He frowns.  
  
“Shouldn’t I be the one who’s crying? _I’m_ the one who got my hand burnt!”

  
“I’m not crying!” the guy huffs, obviously crying. “It’s just, your hand is burnt. _It’s my fault!”_  
  
Seongwoo doesn’t know what to do. Why is he crying?  
  
“Why are you crying?”  
  
The guy stops. Wheezes. Frowns. “I just told you, you dickbag. I’m not cry- _Oh god_ , I’m a horrible person. I burn your hand, _and_ I call you a dickbag? Oh, god. Sorry. I’m sorry.”  


**ii.**

  
The second time Seongwoo meets Minhyun, he’s got one foot in his white converse, the other shoe in his left hand, rushing to class with his binders shoved hastily into his opened backpack, and a cup of hot coffee in his right hand.  
  
At least he didn’t forget his coffee this time.  
  
He’s half rushing to class, half trying to figure out how to get his second shoe on while rushing to class,  because God, this was the fourth time he was going to be late to his 8:00am public speaking class, and though Mr. Kim liked him for always speaking up in class, he didn’t particularly like tardies.  
  
He doesn’t know how, but with a step with his left leg, he swiftly managed to throw his other shoe onto his right foot, and was in the middle of limping/getting his heel properly in the shoe when he feels something harsh and solid ram into him (or did he ram into them? He was looking at his shoe, to be honest.) and a warm liquid burning his hand.  
  
_“Ow fuck, really?_ ” Seongwoo hisses.  
  
He’s more upset that half his morning coffee is gone more than the fact that both his hands have been burned in the past week.  
  
He looks up to look at the culprit, prepared to antagonize them for not watching where they were going (or was it him who wasn’t watching where he was going? Whatever. He doesn’t care. It’s their fault.) when he realizes he recognizes them.  
  
“I’m beginning to think you have something against me.”  
  
The guy’s (with probably the most beautiful ones he’s ever seen) eyes widen. He’s got earphones stuck in his ears, a beanie covering his head, and he’s clutching onto his backpack tightly.  
  
_“Oh no,_ ” he moans. “Listen, I don’t know why I keep doing this to you but I really didn’t mea-”  
  
The guy looks like he’s going to start rambling again. And to be honest, Seongwoo probably would’ve happily listened to all of it ( _he’s cute, alright?_ ). But, he also would be happy minimizing how late he’ll be to class.  
  
“It’s okay,” he shoves his half empty coffee at the guy. “Here. Take it. I’m going to be late. Maybe we’ll meet again? Hopefully I’m not carrying any warm drinks next time.”  
  
He’s already rushing away trying to hastily wipe his burnt and soaked hand on his sweater, towards the building that’s so close but so far, when he hears a voice behind him.  
  
“Wait! I don’t even know your name!”  
  
“Seongwoo, nice to meet you!” he calls back.  
  
It’s not until he’s settled into the lecture hall does he realize he gave his beloved coffee away.  


**iii.**  
  
Third time’s a charm, he thinks, because the third time they meet is when Seongwoo finally learns his name.  
  
He’s sitting in his school’s cafe, typing away in the corner, brow furrowed, trying to get his goddamn twenty page paper done. Him and Jisung had promised to study together today, but he ended up coming here earlier, because in reality -- they never really get anything done when they were together.  
  
He’s mid-type on the importance of the French Revolution in regards to art and literature when he hears something slam on his table.  
  
Seongwoo removes his headphones, looking up to see what caused the ruckus.  
  
_He’s_ there, hands tucked in his front pockets, swaying on his heels and looking at him sheepishly. He nods towards the drink he put next to Seongwoo’s laptop.  
  
It looks like an iced tea.  
  
“Cold, this time.”

  
Seongwoo takes one look at the peach looking drink and looks up at the guy again.  
  
He blinks. “Huh?”  
  
“Uh, the drink. It’s. It’s not hot. And, uh, for you.”  
  
It takes a minute before it finally clicks in his head. “Oh! Thanks! I didn’t get that for a sec. Haha, uh -- sorry, uh did you wanna, like, sit down?”  
  
Seongwoo doesn’t wait for his response, and starts moving his things on the table aside. The guy awkwardly looks around before he decides to settle down in the seat opposite of Seongwoo. The guy’s tall, taller than him, and it takes him a couple of awkward seconds before he finally gets all of his limbs under the table.  
  
“Mind if I-?” the guy gestures to his back, as if to indicate he’s going to study, and Seongwoo smiles enthusiastically.  
  
(Did he already mention the guy’s cute?)  
  
“Y-yeah of course!”  
  
The guy returns a sheepish grin, and flips through his textbook before finally settling down. Seongwoo gets back to work on his paper, but he can’t help but take little glimpses towards the guy. His hair lays on his forehead, but styled perfectly so just a little bit of his forehead shows. He wears a button down, and Seongwoo honestly starts apologizing in his head to God after he sees the little bit of collarbone sticking out from the fact that the guy hadn’t buttoned it up all the way. Seongwoo kind of wants to die.  
  
The guy, on the other hand, pays no mind, or even looks like he has an inkling of what he’s doing to Seongwoo considering the fact that he continues to lazily write in his notebook.  
  
“Old school, huh?”  
  
The guy looks up, confused. Seongwoo gestures to the notebook.  
  
“Oh! Usually I use my computer but for this class,” he grimaces. “I can’t seem to understand unless I actually write it out. Anthro sucks.”  
  
Seongwoo nods in understanding. “Who do you have?”  
  
The guy winces at the question. “Dr. Kang? Know him?”  
  
“With Kang? Bro, had him last year -- was a bitch.”  
  
  
The conversation of complaining about a teacher seemed to get the guy to loosen up a bit and be more comfortable.  
  
  
“I know, right?? Fucking asshole,” He reddens. “Excuse my language I don’t usually-”

Seongwoo laughs, cutting him off. “Dude, I totally get it. It’s fine.”

  
The guy smiles in response and continues.  
  
“Anyway, get this, a guy was a minute late first day of class ‘cos like, he got lost and all? Kang locked him out and marked him absent for attendance. _And_ if you don’t attend his class first day you have to drop the course and everything.”  
  
Seongwoo whistles. “Damn. I didn’t remember him being that crazy. The hell?”  
  
“Thank God only one more month and we’re fucking done with this quarter. Kang’s too much,” the guy moans.  
  
“What’s your major?”  
  
“Ah, CS.”  
  
“CS? But you’re taking Kang?”  
  
“It’s gen ed,” he whines.  
  
“Ah,” Seongwoo nods in understanding, grinning. “Lit major, nice to make your acquaintance. Also took Kang for my gen ed requirement.”  
  
The guy laughs, and they go back to their respective work for a bit (or at least the guy does. Seongwoo’s too busy trying to make himself look studious and cool), before the guy clears his throat.  
  
“Uh, by the way,” Seongwoo looks up at him. “I’m Minhyun.”  
  
Seongwoo raises his eyebrow, and he continues.  
  
“Listen, I’m sorry again for spilling hot water on you that one time,” he pauses. “And then I guess for that coffee again that other time. I really didn’t mean to.”  
  
Seongwoo can’t stop smiling. He doesn’t know why.  
  
“ _A-and,_ you know I’m usually not that clumsy -- I don’t know what got into me,” he added, ears turning red.  
  
Seongwoo laughs. Minhyun’s ears are turning red and he doesn’t think he’s ever been more endeared. “It’s fine, really. I’m-”  
  
“Minhyun?”  
  
They both turn around to see who called him.  
  
“Jisung?” Minhyun lights up.  
  
“That’s hyung to you,” he mutters and nudges Minhyun to move a seat over.  
  
Minhyun moves to make room for him and Seongwoo stares between the two of them. He’s confused.  
  
“You two know each other?”  
  
“Of course! Minhyun’s my favorite dongsaeng,” Jisung says cheekily, throwing his arm around Minhyun.  
  
Minhyun shrugs him off. Jisung pouts and pinches his arm.  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“I thought I was your favorite dongsaeng,” Seongwoo protests at the same time.  
  
Jisung grins, satisfied, ignoring both of them. “Minhyunie over here is one of the students in the comp-sci class I TA for! Always bringing me food in exchange for my services.”  
  
He tries to reach over to ruffle Minhyun’s hair. Due to Jisung’s lack of height in comparison, Minhyun flicks Jisung’s arm away.  
  
Seongwoo’s brow furrows. “But you never talk about him.”  
  
Jisung rolls his eyes. “ _Yeah I do,_ maybe if you actually listened to me whenever I talk ab-”  
  
Seongwoo holds his hands up in surrender and grins sheepishly. “Alright, alright I got it.  I never listen to you, no one ever listens to you, Daniel and I don’t respect our hyung, and all. I feel like I’ve had this speech permanently engrained in my brain.”  
  
Jisung sticks his tongue out and laughs. He’s starting to get out his textbook, when Minhyun speaks up.  
  
“ _Aw_ hyung, you talk about me?”  
  
He’s smirking, and Jisung jabs him in the side. “Don’t get smug, I talk about everyone who does a good deed and brings me food.”  
  
“He doesn’t,” Seongwoo pipes up, grinning at Jisung.  
  
To be honest, he doesn’t pay attention enough to Jisung to know if he does or doesn’t talk about Minhyun. Jisung knows it too, considering he kicks Seongwoo from under the table.  
  
“ _Asshole_ , you don’t even listen to me enough anyw-”  
  
Seongwoo tunes Jisung out as he goes on another rant (that he’s honestly heard before) about how Seongwoo never listens to him, and instead turns to look at Minhyun.  
  
Minhyun on the other hand, is listening to Jisung, and from what Seongwoo can tell, Minhyun finds Jisung’s suffering hilarious.  
  
His head is thrown back, and he’s laughing at whatever Jisung’s saying, eyes crinkled, but soon he turns and catches Seongwoo staring.  
  
Seongwoo almosts turns away, face red, but Minhyun throws him a slight smile, and Seongwoo can’t help but grin back.

 

* * *

 

 

Like any other friendship, Minhyun and Seongwoo start getting to know each other and their quirks. Not like any other friendship, it’s quick, and they can’t seem to get enough of each other.  
  
It starts out simple, and nothing unusual. Seongwoo had gotten Minhyun’s number that day, studying with Jisung in the cafe, and soon enough, they’re meeting up almost everyday for a study date, or what Seongwoo prefers, breakfast.  
  
Seongwoo was never much a breakfast person, preferring to sleep in his bed until the last second until he had to get up, but he guesses, old habits don’t die hard, when Minhyun’s around.  
  
He learns this the hard way (or the easy way, depending on how you look at it), through the little changes that somehow start implicating itself into his life. 

 

* * *

  
**  
_emperor hwang_ **  
_on a scale of 1-10 how open would u be to adopting a parrot together  
_  
Seongwoo’s phone dings loudly during class, and if it wasn’t for the fact that this was an 8am, and everyone was kind of dead inside, he thinks he wouldn’t have gotten such angry looks around him. He smiles sheepishly at them and rushes to silence his phone, before realizing it’s from Minhyun. He softens.  


**_gag king ong_ ** _  
honestly im at a 4 rn but anything for u  
_

_**gag king ong**  
but like u gott a convince me uno  
**  
gag king ong**  
am i the one who gets to name it  
_

_ **gag king ong**   
_ _wat color is it_

 _ **gag king ong**   
_ _btw received glares from class 4 getting  
_ _a loud text @ 8 am in the mornin_

_**gag king ong**  
ABT A PARROT_

 

_**emperor hwang**  
listen does it matter wat color it is  
**  
emperor hwang**  
u get to raise a parrot w ME  
  
**emperor hwang  
** is that not enough  
  
**emperor hwang**  
im thinking red as it is the color of royalty u kno?? _

_ **  
gag king ong**   
_ _PURPLE is the color of  
royalty u dumbass ohmygod _

_**  
e** _ _**mperor hwang**  
ok well the dude is only offering red parrot  
so red parrot it is  
no complaining ok _

_ **  
gag king ong  
** _ _'the dude’  
where the hell are u  
getting this parrot from _

_**  
** **emperor hwang**  
guy in my anthro class bought one  
for a project  
needs to get rid of it  
_

_**  
gag king ong**  
ok wait lets think  
    
**gag king ong**  
abt this_

_  
**emperor hwang**  
ong seongwoo? the voice of reason?  
since when  
_

_  
**gag king ong**  
god im equally surprised rn  
   **  
****g** **ag king ong**  
but when u have these        
spurts of idiocy some1    
else needs 2 step up  
  
**gag king ong**  
and that person is ME_

_**  
emperor hwang**  
i hate u so bad rn  
**  
emperor hwang**  
“spurts of idiocy”  
**  
emperor hwang**  
nobody gets those around here except YOU  
  
_

_ **gag king ong**   
best friends for 3 weeks and  
already saying u hateme  
  
**gag king ong**   
i think this is a new record 4 me  
  
**  
emperor hwang**  
best friends  
  
**emperor hwang**  
Who said we were best friends  
  
**emperor hwang**  
UR the one whos clinging on to me  
  
**  
gag king ong**   
UR the one who wants 2  
adopt a parrot w me!  
  
**gag king ong**   
this is all moving 2 fast  
  
  
**emperor hwang**  
speaking of parrot was 2 busy fighting w  
u over text he sold it 2 guy sitting on the other side of him  
:(  
no parrot 4 us  
  
**gag king ong**   
its ok we have our whole life 2  
adopt pets together  
  
  
**emperor hwang**  
ur right  
  
**emperor hwang**  
lunch later?  
  
_

_**gag king ong**  
yes u pay  
  
  
**emperor hwang**  
as always  
     _

_**gag king ong**  
He y  
    
**gag king ong**  
im not the one  
W modeling JOBS MR MODEL  
  
  
**emperor hwang**  
yea yea  
  
**emperor hwang  
** have good day  
  
**emperor hwang**  
pay attn in class  
  
**gag king ong  
**__u too  
love u sweets_  
  

  
  
When Seongwoo slides into the booth a quarter past twelve in their campus cafe, Minhyun’s already there, wiping the plates and utensils with his napkin.  
  
“You’re late,” Minhyun remarks, reaching over to grab Seongwoo’s plate and utensils to wipe at as well. “I ordered for us already.”  
  
Just like how Minhyun figured out Seongwoo’s got a sweet tooth, and ordered him his favorite, chocolate chip pancakes, Seongwoo figured out that Minhyun was a clean freak four days after they became friends. They were walking on campus together and Minhyun had forced him to use hand sanitizer after bending down to pet a dog.

  
  
(“It was just a dog!” Seongwoo moaned, nonetheless sticking his hand out as Minhyun picked the hand sanitizer out from his pocket.  
  
Minhyun wrinkled his nose. “The dog’s dirty, Seongwoo. You don’t want to be touching people with dirty hands.”  
  
At least the hand sanitizer was citrus scented and made his hands smell good for the rest of the night.)

  
  
“Sorry,” Seongwoo responded, shrugging off his jacket. “Was public speaking so Daniel convinced me to stay and be his ‘buffer’ for him and Jihoon.”  
  
Minhyun hums. “Jihoon, the TA, the one who has your kettle?”  
  
Seongwoo groans. “Don’t remind me. Daniel’s an asshole.”  
  
Minhyun snorts. “I still need to meet him, by the way. Can’t believe I’ve been forced into your guys’ group chat and I still haven’t met Daniel.”  
  
Seongwoo had recently created a new group chat with both Daniel and Jisung in it, but this time, included Minhyun. In his defense, he thought it was a great way for them to get to know each other.  
  
“Forced?” he says incredulously. “Sue me for wanting my best friend to meet my other best friends?”  
  
Minhyun laughs. “You throw around ‘best friend’ too much.”  
  
“Would you prefer I call you my _bro_? My _brother_? My _broity bro bro_?”  
  
Minhyun wrinkles his nose and kicks him from under the table. “Did you just _bro-zone_ me? Ouch.”  
  
“Hey!” Seongwoo cries out, bending down to rub his shin. “You asked for it. What else am I supposed to call you if not my best friend or bro?”  
  
Their food comes, and they both grin, mouth watering at their respective foods as their waiter sets it down in front of them.

“Mmm, extra chocolate chips, just how I like it.”  
  
Minhyun shrugs, shoveling his ham and cheese omelette in his mouth. “I asked them to pour their whole chocolate chip inventory into your pancakes, by the way, so you’re welcome.”  
  
“You’re a god-send, my dear.” Seongwoo throws him a thumbs up.  
  
“And anyway,” Minhyun presses on. “There’s lots of things you can call me.”  
  
“Like what?” Seongwoo responds. “Light of my life, fire to my loins, king of my hea-”  
  
Minhyun interrupts him with his loud laughter. “Shut up. _Ohmygod_ .”  
  
Seongwoo grins, happy that he can make Minhyun laugh like that. He’s happy whenever he makes anyone laugh, but somehow, when it’s Minhyun laughing, it feels different. More wholesome, and his whole chest fills with warmth. He pushes the thought away.  
  
“ _Well_? What else am I going to call you?”  
  
Minhyun tries to hide his grin by sticking his face in his food. “I don’t know. Just.. just Minhyun.”  
  
“My Minhyun,” Seongwoo announces, grinning. He thinks he likes the sound to it.  
  
Minhyun’s ears are the first to turn red, before a blush fully forms on his cheeks. “It doesn’t have to be _your_ Minhyun, _god,_  don’t make it weird I mean-”  
  
“I like it though,” Seongwoo pouts.  
  
“My Minhyun,” he repeats, satisfied.  
  
Minhyun rolls his eyes, and if there’s a slight twinkle in his eyes, secretly pleased at the nickname too, Seongwoo doesn’t notice. “Whatever. Call me whatever you want. I don’t care anymore.”  
  
Seongwoo grins into his pancakes, pleased that for all the warmth Minhyun is spreading in his chest, the least he could do in return was start the blush that flushed on Minhyun’s cheeks. 

 

* * *

 

Hwang Minhyun, Seongwoo firmly believes, in all his six foot , handsome, model-like glory, cannot keep a straight face for his life.  
  
Which is funny, considering how much Minhyun lands modeling jobs around campus. Residential poster boy, Minhyun is. From being used by the photography majors as their muse, or by different clubs around campus to promote themselves, Minhyun’s got his face firmly plastered on every inch of campus.  
  
Seongwoo never realized it was him on all those posters until Minhyun brought it up, honestly, and it’s probably because the Minhyun-modeling versus Minhyun-in-real-life end up being so different.  
  
Even now, as Seongwoo is sitting in the corner of the room, as Minhyun stands in front of a green backdrop posing for pictures, showing off some clothing (for a fashion design major, was it?), the difference is clear.  
  
Minhyun cannot, for the life of him stop giggling.  
  
“Haven’t you done this, _like_ , a thousand times?” Seongwoo remarks loudly, above the bustling of a few assistants walking around and the photographer flashing photos of Minhyun.  
  
Minhyun pauses, turns to look at him.  
  
“Shut up,” he pouts. “I’m not very good at this, I don’t know why people still hire me.”  
  
He turns to look at the photographer and the director of the whole shoot, an apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry,  _really_ , I’ll do better. I don’t know why I keep giggling.”  
  
Everyone around them protests, a little bit too heart-eyed and forgiving for the boy.  
  
“No, no, you’re doing totally fine! Great!” the photographer calls out, shooting a thumbs up.  
  
Seongwoo doesn’t miss how his smile falters as he scrolls through the pictures he got. He snorts, turning back to his phone, as the photographer announces they’ll try to take a few more shots.  
  
Seongwoo’s class was cancelled today, and as Daniel was too busy ‘wooing the shit outta Jihoon’ and Jisung was working on a group project, leaving Seongwoo with nothing to do an idea to surprise Minhyun at his shoot.  
  
_Minhyun’s different,_ Seongwoo thinks. As he watches a flustered Minhyun giggle and apologize, the workers on the shoot shooing away his apologies while he poses for shots, that somehow, Minhyun was destined to shine, one way or another.  


  
  
  
Seongwoo is slowly nudged, and he jolts from his position on the floor, grimacing as he starts to move his legs from its cross legged position. As he starts to slowly open each eye, he tilts his neck left and right, grunting at the knot in his neck. He has a very vague idea of where he is at the moment, but it isn’t confirmed until he hears a voice softly speaking to him as he wakes up.  
  
“Seongwoo,” he hears Minhyun say quietly. “Get up. Shoots done.”  
  
“Mmmm?”  
  
“Sorry it took so long, underestimated how many outfits I had to change into.”  
  
He hears a slow chuckle, and as he slowly opens up his eyes, he’s met with Minhyun staring at him curiously, crouched down as he’s got one hand on Seongwoo’s shoulder. His other is arm is propped up by his elbow on his knee, used to hold up his face as he settles his chin into the palm of his hand.  


It’s significantly quieter than when he first dozed off, less people milling around and instead just two other people besides Minhyun, here and there, just cleaning up.

  
“Sleepyhead,” Minhyun states. “Have never seen you this quiet and peaceful before.”  
  
Seongwoo groans in response, shutting his eyes again.  


“‘M hungry.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“ _‘M huuuungrrryyyyyy_ ,” Seongwoo drawls out, emphasizing just how hungry he was by rubbing his stomach.  
  
Minhyun laughs.  
  
“Then get up so we can get some food.”  
  
“Give me ten minutes,” Seongwoo tries to bargain.

“On this cold floor?”

“Yes. Ten minutes to take a nice nap on this cold, _comfortable,_ floor,” he says defensively, already preparing himself to drift off to sleep again. 

  
“ _Or_ , I can just leave you on this cold, hard, floor, and eat some pizza by myself,” Minhyun counteracts.  
  
Seongwoo’s eyes fly open. He makes eye contact with Minhyun’s mischievous eyes but makes no effort to move.   
  
He narrows his eyes. “Pizza? Without me? You wouldn’t.”  
  
“You think I wouldn’t?” Minhyun challenges.  
  
He smirks at Seongwoo, raising his eyebrows.

Seongwoo and Minhyun stare at each other for a bit before he notices Minhyun’s eye twitch.

Minhyun blinks.

Seongwoo grins.

“I  _win.”_

Minhyun huffs. “We weren’t even having a contest!”

Seongwoo ignores him. “Doesn’t matter. I still win.”

 _“But we weren’t eve-_ ”

“I  _win,_ Hwang Minhyun. I get ten minutes!”

  
Minhyun sighs, but doesn’t put in effort to argue anymore, instead, joining Seongwoo to sit against the wall.

“I cannot believe how much of a pushover I am,” Minhyun mutters.

Seongwoo grins, lifting his head from the floor and instead plopping his head down onto Minhyun’s lap. Minhyun makes a noise in surprise.

“ _Aw,_ don’t say that. You’re not a pushover, you just love me,” Seongwoo says, grinning.

He’s looking up at Minhyun from his spot on his lap, and when he reaches up to poke Minhyun in his cheeks, Minhyun looks down at him in surprise.

Seongwoo wiggles his eyebrows when Minhyun continues to stare at him incredulously. Minhyun doesn’t deny it though, and Seongwoo’s heart skips a beat.

“Whatever. Ten minutes or I’m really leaving your ass to get pizza.”

Seongwoo shuts his eyes, giggling. “ _Goodnight_ , Minhyun.”

“It’s ten minute-”

“ _Goodnight, Minhyun,”_ Seongwoo repeats loudly, over Minhyun’s voice.

 

He hears Minhyun sigh in disbelief, and lets out a quiet chuckle. It’s abruptly stopped when he starts to feel a pair of hands threading through his hair. Seongwoo’s heart starts to quicken, and he shifts himself around, in hopes that Minhyun doesn’t feel Seongwoo’s heart rate change against his leg.

 

And then he hears it.

 

Minhyun’s soft humming as he continues to thread his fingers through Seongwoo’s hair soothingly, whispering quiet lullabies into his ear. It’s then that Seongwoo’s heart starts to slow. He feels calmer then, noticing how tranquil he felt as Minhyun’s melodic tone brought back the sense of warmth he feels often when Minhyun’s around.

* * *

 

  
“Are you guys together or something?” Jisung flings open Daniel and Seongwoo’s shared apartment, eyebrows crinkled, and a finger pointed at Seongwoo. The finger was way too accusatory, if he was being honest.  
  
Seongwoo, in the midst of pouring himself a cup of coffee, pauses. “Uh, who?”  
  
Daniel pops up from lying down lazily on the couch.  
  
“ _Who_?” he echoes. “Seongwoo is dating?”  
  
“What? No,” Seongwoo furrows his eyebrows. “What are you even talking about? And close the door.”  
  
Jisung huffs, slamming the door shut (way louder than necessary, honestly) and walks past Daniel lying on the couch to stalk into the kitchen. He lays his his hands on his hips.  
  
“You and _Minhyun_ ,” he elaborates. “Are you guys dating?”  
  
Seongwoo chokes on his coffee.  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
Jisung huffs. “Minhyun always brings me food on Mondays during our 10am. Today, he had no food to give me.”  
  
“Uh huh,” Seongwoo replies.  
  
Jisung looks at him incredulously and repeats. “He had _no_ _food_ _to give me._ ”  
  
“Yeah I heard that the first time, hyung, I’m just trying to figure out how this in any way relates to me,” Seongwoo deadpans, annoyed that Jisung almost made him choke and die.  
  
“He _always_ has food to give me. Today, he comes in, holly jolly, like usual, but this time, when I go to reach the cookies he had in his tupperware, he snatched it away,” Jisung complains.  
  
“And?”  
  
“ _And_ ,” Jisung continues. “When I ask why exactly he’s snatching my cookies away, he says they’re for a certain _Seongwoo_.”  
  
Seongwoo perks up. “He made me cookies?”  
  
Jisung ignores him.  
  
“So,” he repeats. “Are you guys dating, or _something_?”  
  
“Mmmm, no,” Seongwoo lazily replies, already using his free hand to type a message to Minhyun as he continues to sip his coffee. “Him making him cookies doesn’t equate to us dating, Jisung.”  
  
“Jisung- _hyung_ ,” Jisung corrects sharply.  
  
_Heard from the grapevine i have COOKIES??????? :~)_ He looks up from his phone, as Daniel makes a noise equivalent to a squeak.

  
“I want cookies,” Daniel says. “Can he stop by? Maybe I can finally meet the guy who’s been stealing all your time.”  
  
“He hasn’t been stealing all my time?”  
  
“See!” Jisung snaps his fingers and points between Daniel and Seongwoo. “It’s not just me, right? Something fishy is going on.”  
  
“Nothing fishy is going on and we’re not dating,” Seongwoo repeats, irritated. “And he hasn’t been stealing my time!”  
  
_Yes, was jst about 2 text u abt it. Chocolate chip w extra chocolate.. :D About to talk to a prof rn but can i come over after?_  
  
_Mmm talk dirty 2 me. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!1_ He shuts off his phone and looks between Jisung and Daniel.  
  
Jisung has situated himself on their couch, and Daniel and Jisung are talking amongst themselves.  
  
“Can’t a guy just casually hit it off with another guy and have another best friend?”  
  
It dawns on him.  
  
“ _Aw_ ,” Seongwoo perks up. “Is that what you guys are worried about? That I’m forgetting about you guys for Minhyun?”  
  
Jisung and Daniel look at him incredulously.  
  
“We literally talk everyday we’re not jeal-”  
  
“I literally live with you Seongwoo, if anythin-”  
  
Seongwoo interrupts them.  
  
“Well don’t worry,” he announces, pushing himself away from the kitchen counter he was leaning on to walk to their couch, situation himself between them.  
  
“I wouldn’t ever forget about you guys,” he coos.  
  
Jisung and Daniel groan, as Seongwoo wraps his arms around them and squeezes them into a tight hug.  
  
“That’s not even what we meant,” Daniel mutters.  
  
Jisung groans. “I just-”  
  
He sighs, not bothering to finish with his sentence.  
  
Daniel and Jisung look at each other knowingly.  


* * *

 

  
When Minhyun stops by at three in the afternoon, he’s attacked.

Well, his _cookies_ are attacked, and Seongwoo barely has time to stop it as he trudges out of his room to use the bathroom.  
  
“Oh,” he said surprised. “I didn’t know you were here.  
  
Minhyun looks scandalized, frozen in front of his front door, and he smiles sheepishly.  
  
“Just got here,” he replies. “I met Daniel?”  
  
He poses it as more of a question, as his face contorts into confusion. He gestures towards Daniel, and when Seongwoo peeks into the kitchen, he sees Daniel munching on some cookies. _His_ cookies.  
  
Daniel waves at him in the middle of shoving another into his mouth.  
  
“I let him in,” Daniel responds. “ _God_ , these cookies are delicious. Like, I knew you were funny the few times that you actually did respond to the group chat, but _god_ , this is a turning point. Like, actually, forreal, Officially, accepted into my life, Minhyun.”  
  
He cheerily throws a thumbs up at Minhyun. Minhyun laughs awkwardly, throwing a small smile at Daniel, before stuffing his hands in his pockets. He has  his backpack still on, and he awkwardly hangs around their apartment entrance, as if unsure what to do.  
  
“You can come in, you know,” Seongwoo remarks at Minhyun, laughing at how awkward Minhyun is around Daniel’s presence. “And Daniel, stop eating _my_ cookies.”  
  
He’s just thankful that Jisung left an hour ago. Fending off both Jisung and Daniel for his cookies? Seongwoo is getting tired just thinking about it.  
  
Minhyun sheepishly takes off his shoes and slowly inches forward inside the apartment, his hand flying to the back of his neck, as he scratches it awkwardly. It’s cute, and reminds Seongwoo of the time they officially met in the cafe. His heart skips a beat, and he scolds his heart for betraying him.  
  
Daniel flips off Seongwoo, and Seongwoo grunts, grabbing the rest of the cookies in the tupperware, and returns the favor by flipping off Daniel as well.  
  
Daniel makes a noise of protest as he swallows the remaining cookie bits in his mouth.  
  
“Go hang out with Jihoon or something,” Seongwoo remarks. “These are _my_ cookies.”  
  
“Hey!” Daniel calls, as Seongwoo grabs Minhyun’s hand and starts dragging him towards the hallway and into his room. “Jihoon’s in class right now. And Minhyun offered to share!”  
  
Minhyun laughs, but as they round the corner, and allows himself to be dragged into Seongwoo’s room, he whispers.  
  
“I didn’t, but was also too scared to say anything,” he replied. “First impression and all, meeting the other important person in your life.”  
  
Seongwoo laughs. “Appreciate the sentiment, but wish you didn’t have to sacrifice my cookies to do so. Also, who really cares about what Daniel thinks of you? He likes everyone, by the way.”  
  
He settles onto his chair, in front of his computer and a bunch of papers lying around on his desk.  
  
“So what brings you around besides the cookies?”  
  
Minhyun shrugs. “Had a slight meltdown yesterday because my code for this damn website I’m making isn’t working. I stress baked.”  
  
Somehow, Seongwoo understands. “Damn. At least I got some cookies out of it.”  
  
Seongwoo grins and Minhyun rolls his eyes.  
  
“Knew you would like them so I saved them for you. To be honest, I was just using it as an excuse to put off coding. But now I have to get back to it,” he sighs.  
  
“Well, I was just doing homework right now? You’re welcome to stay and code here.”  
  
When he doesn’t hear a reply from Minhyun, he swivels his chair around, only to find Minhyun looking around the room incredulously.  
  
“I can’t believe you live like this,” Minhyun deadpans.  
  
Seongwoo looks around the room. _Okay_ , so maybe he was a bit messy. With clothes littered around the floor and various novels and textbooks laying around in piles infecting his room, it _could_ be considered that there was just a tornado in his room.  
  
But it wasn’t like he lived in a _pig sty_ .  
  
“Listen,” Seongwoo starts. “I’m not that bad. At least I’m not comparable to Danie-”  
  
“Daniel is _worse_ than _this_ ?”  
  
Seongwoo protests.  
  
“ _Hey_ _!_ I’m really not that bad,” he insists. “I, at least, don’t keep food in here? And anyways, everything is an organized mess. _Really_ . Honest to god.”  
  
Minhyun wrinkles his nose, and drops his backpack to the side. He starts in the corner of Seongwoo’s room first, picking up the littered jeans and t-shirt, plopping down onto the hardwood floor cross-legged as he starts folding them.  
  
“You don’t have to do that,” Seongwoo says, chuckling at Minhyun’s inability to let any mess go.  
  
“I don’t have to, but I want to,” Minhyun points out. “I can’t possibly code in this mess.”  
  
“ _Hey !”_  
  
“Go do your homework, you pig,” Minhyun shoots back.  
  
“ _Hey_ _!_ ” Seongwoo repeats. “Fuck you.”  
  
Minhyun laughs at his reply. “I’ll just clean a little and then I’ll start coding. Promise.”  
  
“You’re just using my room, which is not that bad, by the way, so you can put off coding,” Seongwoo accuses.  
  
“Listen, you should be thanking me right now, I’m literally offering to clean up your mess for free. This isn’t the time to try to expose me??”  
  
Seongwoo laughs and shakes his head, putting his hands up in surrender.  
  
“Alright, alright,” he turns back to his desk and starts reading his textbook again, annotating paragraphs here and there on an article about Victorian literature.  
  
“Thanks, by the way,” he calls out to Minhyun after they’ve started working for awhile.  
  
“Mmmm,” Minhyun says in response, busy with moving around Seongwoo’s room, picking up clothes here and there, and neatly arranging his never ending piles of books.  
  
Hearing Minhyun moving around and clean in his own room, is white noise to him, surprisingly helping him focus. He attributes the comfort and focus he feels to the noise that Minhyun makes, yet he can’t help but feel that maybe it’s Minhyun himself, and his presence alone, who makes him feel this comfortable, content.  
  
_No_ , he pushes the thought away. _Definitely the white noise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh! so here we are
> 
> thank u so much for reading up to here wowee
> 
> i have a set plan already on how i want this story to go, and where it ends, so i know for sure it'll be up in thirds! i've already gotten most of the next chapter written, so it'll be up.. soon? i just started university, so i'm quite busy, but soon, hopefully! i originally was going to post everything at once but i've been itching to post this! i've been working on it for over a month now u_u
> 
> i know there wasn't much going on yet, but soon!!!! please anticipate
> 
> as always, u can find me [here](https://twitter.com/guaniinist)! i have my curiouscat attached to my profile, so feel free to ask me questions as well!


	2. ii. laissez faire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo is confused. And kind of in love.
> 
> He doesn't take it well.

**_Dandan_ **

[attached]

Image_2.jpg

 

“Hyung, check it out,” Seongwoo laughs. “I think Daniel’s finally getting somewhere with Jihoon.”

 

He removes his feet from their place on the library table and settles them back on the carpeted floor — leaning back forward.

 

He’s in the library with Jisung now, after agreeing to study together. He was on a roll, he insists, for a good 40 minutes before he started to fail on keeping focused on his readings (the words were all slurring together, alright?), so Seongwoo decided to give up. He was able to incessantly tap and bother Jisung for a total of ten minutes before Jisung threatened to push him off the second floor of the library.  


 

Jisung looks up from his laptop, and squints at Seongwoo’s phone. It’s a picture of Jihoon sitting across from Daniel, typing away on a laptop in what seems to be a cafe.

 

“Study date, you think?”

 

Seongwoo chuckles. “I’m sure Daniel thinks so, but not so sure Jihoon thinks it’s a date.”

 

Jisung snorts. “Don’t bag on poor Daniel, he’s that close to convincing Jihoon they’re soulmates, you know.”

 

“Imagine,” Seongwoo says, shaking his head. “Liking someone that much and they don’t even realize it. I mean, honestly, _imagine,_ going to hang out with someone who has heart eyes around you all the time and they don’t even notice.”

 

“What the hell.”

 

Seongwoo, who was in the midst of multitasking and texting on his phone, looks up.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What the hell, you _hypocrite,”_ Jisung states.

 

Seongwoo furrows his brows. Jisung’s been talking in riddles lately.

 

“Why are you calling me a hypocrite?” Seongwoo frowns.

 

“You and _Minhyun?”_

 

‘What about him?”

 

Speaking of, his phone dings, Minhyun’s name popping up on his screen.

 

“Wow. I truly cannot believe how not self-aware you are.”  
  
“Hmm?” Seongwoo looks up from his phone at Jisung, barely paying attention to what Jisung just said as he giggles at another link that Minhyun sent him.   
  
Minhyun has a group project today and they haven’t been able to see each other all day today. Seongwoo chooses to ignore that it’s the first time in almost four months that he won’t be seeing Minhyun at least once. Instead, Minhyun’s been sending him baby animal videos all day. After just receiving a video of baby fox running around a living room, he coos and sends Minhyun a, _it looks just like u LOL._   
  
“Un-self-aware? Is that what it is?” Jisung muses to himself.   
  
“ _Huh_ ?”   
  
“Anyway, point is, I can’t believe you’re not self-aware and you need to get it together,” Jisung announces.   
  
They receive a harsh _Shhh_ from the table beside them. Jisung sticks his tongue out in the general direction of where the noise came from, and turns back to Seongwoo.   
  
Seongwoo looks up from his phone screen, waiting as the three circled text bubble pops up as he waits on Minhyun’s reply.   
  
“Don’t you think,” Jisung starts out, cautious. He stops. Takes a deep breath, and seems to think his following words through.   
  
“Don’t you think it’s weird, how close you got to Minhyun?”   
  
“Hmmm?” _Stop I have been told that I look like a fox before lmao!!!!!!! Cos im..... foxy? :)_   
  
Seongwoo laughs at Minhyun’s response, and Jisung rolls his eyes.   
  
“Don’t you think it’s weird, how close you got to Minhyun?” he repeats.   
  
_Baby fox has got nothing on u //shoots finger guns// ur cuter_   
  
After typing out his reply, he pockets his phone and looks at Jisung from across the table, as Jisung peers at him over his own laptop.   
  
“No, why would it be weird?”   
  
“Mmmm, I don’t know,” Jisung says, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Maybe because you have trouble keeping up with friendships and Daniel and I were the only ones ever successful to keep a friendship with you going?”   
  
“Is this about you guys being jealous again? Do you guys miss me?” Seongwoo hums. “That’s so cute hyung, if you missed me you should’ve just said so. I swear on my life you guys aren’t getting replaced. I mean, I guess you’re right. We haven’t had a Three Musketeer hangout in awhile. Do you wanna come over? Daniel doesn’t have rehearsal for his showcase so he’ll be home. Maybe we can- ow!”   
  
Jisung kicked Seongwoo from under the table.   
  
“God, Seongwoo, we’re not jealous. Daniel and I have enough faith in our friendship with you to realize that you’re never going to get rid of us. Or is it that we’re never going to get rid of you?” He huffs. “Anyways, you, are an absolute idiot.”   
  
Seongwoo frowns. “Then what’s the problem?”   
  
“You’re,” Jisung frowns, searching for the right words to say. “You’re different with him.”   
  
Seongwoo furrows his eyebrows. “No, I’m.. not?”   
  
“Yes, you are,” Jisung insists.   
  
When Seongwoo just stares at him blankly, Jisung sighs.   
  
“Like,” he waves his hand around. “Like, you’re not going around calling us sweets, or, constantly calling me cute, or. Or. You know what, point is, it’s different.”   
  
Seongwoo doesn’t quite understand what Jisung’s trying to get at.   
  
“You know hyung, you keep saying that it’s not about how you’re jealous but I really do think it is. Is it ‘cos you want me to call you cute more often?” He grins, wiggling his eyebrows. “‘Cos I can do that, you know.”   
  
Jisung groans.   
  
“God, you’re a literal nuthead. I take it all back, you’re an idiot. I can’t help you anymore. Minhyun, too.”   


* * *

  
  
  
Seongwoo thinks a line has been crossed. He’s not sure when, he’s not sure _how,_ but he thinks a line has been crossed. Additionally, he’s not sure what line he crossed. But he crossed it, he thinks.

 

He gets this idea, this _epiphany,_ laying down on the quad with Minhyun. Midterms are here, and Minhyun and Seongwoo agreed to quiz each other in preparation for exams.

 

They both agreed they’ve gotten too broke to hang around in the campus cafe, and the library became out of the questions when they realized it was always stuffy and full during exam week, around this time of year, so Seongwoo somehow convinced Minhyun to work under the big, one hundred fifty year old tree in the quad.

 

(“On the grass?” Minhyun sounds wary.

 

“Yeah, it’s outside, a great change of environment,” Seongwoo nods enthusiastically. “Fresh air.”

 

“But,” Minhyun’s face looks pained. “It’s dirty. With bugs.”

 

Seongwoo sighs exasperatedly.

 

“I’ll bring a blanket we can lay on,” he compromises.

 

Minhyun’s face gets considerably brighter.)

 

They’ve gone back and forth with each other’s different subjects and flashcards, and now, as it reaches golden hour and the sun is at peak of setting, they lie on their backs looking up through the trees.

 

There’s a quiet breeze, and considerably less people milling around. Everyone’s locked themselves up inside to study.

 

Minhyun and Seongwoo are talking mindlessly, and Seongwoo can’t help but feel a slight tingle when he realizes even now, they always have something to talk about.

 

“How was your group presentation?” Seongwoo mumbles, his exhaustion catching up to him, too lazy to even properly articulate his words.

 

“Mmmm, good. Professor loved me, as always,” Minhyun jokes.

 

Seongwoo’s got his eyes closed, but he thinks he sees Minhyun’s smirk. He lazily waves his left arm around to smack Minhyun, and he smiles in victory when he hears Minhyun grunt.

 

Seongwoo snorts. “Emperor Hwang indeed, huh.”

 

“That’s me,” Minhyun sings.

 

Seongwoo chuckles and lets them fall into a quiet, comfortable silence.

 

He almost lulls into a nap when he hears Minhyun speak.

 

“Oh, right. You know Jaehwan?”

 

“Mmmm, guy in your group presentation. Looks like a dumpling. Funny?” Seongwoo lists out everything he remembers from what Minhyun has told him.

 

“Yeah, that guy.”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Wellll,” Minhyun draws out. “He asked me out.”

 

Seongwoo’s eyes fly open. He twists his neck to the left to look at Minhyun only to find Minhyun staring at him already.

 

“A date?” He echoes.

 

Minhyun nods, staring at him intently as if gauging his reaction.

 

“Yeah. To dinner.”

 

His tone is casual, but something about the way Minhyun looks at him makes his skin prickle.

 

Something about the way his heart _drops_ makes his skin prickle.

 

“Seongwoo?”

 

He doesn’t realize he’s been staring at Minhyun blankly until he hears his name.

 

“Oh,” he clears his throat. He didn’t realize there was a lump in his throat either. “Did you say yes?”

 

Minhyun looks at him carefully. “I said I would get back to him, but I don’t know. Should I?”

 

Seongwoo feels like Minhyun is testing him. But, in this case, he thinks, he doesn’t know the right answer. Seongwoo smiles, but somehow, it doesn't quite reach his eyes. For a split second, he’s overcome with the need to be selfish, to be angry— considers telling Minhyun to only hang around him forever.

 

“Of course you should,” Seongwoo says instead. “You said Jaehwan’s funny, right?”

 

“Yeah, bu-“

 

“Then that’s settled then, right? I would only allow you to date someone who could make you laugh. And, you know, you deserve a bit of love in your life, Minhyun,” Seongwoo interrupts him.

 

Seongwoo thinks Minhyun almost sees past him, from the way he stares at him so sharply, and he holds his breath and tries to keep his voice steady.

 

“A-and, anyway.. Then you can spend less time with me. I can finally get you to stop bothering me,” he adds as a joke.

 

Minhyun doesn’t laugh at first. He doesn’t laugh, and his face kind of falls, and it’s only because Seongwoo is suddenly so hyperaware of everything that he notices. But just as quickly as it came, it’s gone, and Minhyun’s chuckling.

 

“Fuck you, dude,” Minhyun says. “Alright, I guess I’ll tell him I’m available, then?”

 

He poses it as more of a question, as if unsure he’s doing the right thing.

 

“Good,” Seongwoo responds, and his heart drops just a bit lower. He didn’t think it could fall any lower. “Let me know how it goes, alright?”

 

“Of course I will,” Minhyun responds. “I tell you everything.”

 

Seongwoo decides a line was crossed. A line was crossed when he felt his skin prickle in hurt and anger, and a line was crossed when he felt his heart drop.

 

But a part of him also wonders if that line was crossed a long time ago, when warmth filled his whole chest that time during brunch. Or was it that second time when Minhyun spilled his coffee all over him, and Seongwoo noticed Minhyun’s eyes?

 

A line is crossed, and suddenly everything Jisung’s been trying to tell him falls into place.

 

* * *

 

 

Midterms come and go, and with that comes Seongwoo’s decreasing number of text messages to Minhyun.

 

It started out with Minhyun’s _it went ok? I think_ text in regards to his date with Jaehwan, the first night after exams finished, and it ended with Seongwoo’s _ik midterms are over but i’m stll kinda busy :( next time??_ text a few nights later.

 

Regardless of whether Minhyun’s date went well or not, Seongwoo decides to put their friendship on a _semi-hiatus_ until he figures out his feelings.

 

Semi, because he’s not that much of an asshole, and hiatus, because it never comes. Because him figuring out his feelings _never_ _comes_ , and he’s an absolute mess.

 

He’s put a hold on hanging out with Minhyun, or anyone in general, and locks himself into his room to munch on cheeto puffs and read manhwas when he’s not waiting until the last minute to go to class.

 

Last minute, because he doesn’t think he’ll know how to handle it if he ran into a certain six foot, bright eyed, comp-sci major with an affinity to adopting parrots.

 

Instead, he occasionally texts Minhyun back — and he feels almost bad for it, when Minhyun, even two weeks later, never fails to ask Seongwoo anyway if he wants to hang out everyday.

 

He almost feels bad rejecting him every time, until he realizes how much more unfair it would be to be in love with your best friend when they clearly don’t see you that way. It’d be uncomfortable and awkward on Minhyun’s side of things, and he never would want to make Minhyun feel that way. He’s not _that_ selfish, he thinks.

  


It’s not until two Fridays after midterms are over, that Seongwoo is dragged out.

 

Daniel stalks into his room, throwing the door open, and heads to the bed where Seongwoo lies cocooned. He grabs Seongwoo’s shoulder and starts shaking him intently.

 

“Ow, god, _relax, what the fuck?”_ Seongwoo groans, peeking out from under his blankets and looking at Daniel.

 

Daniel towers over him, arms crossed. “Jihoon invited me to a party. Woojin’s party, I think, to celebrate midterms being over.”

 

Seongwoo raises his eyebrows. “Midterms finished two weeks ago.”

 

Daniel shrugs. “So? You know Woojin, late to everything. Including his parties, I guess.”

 

“Oh-kay,” Seongwoo says slowly. “Have fun with Jihoon.”

 

He’s about to bury his face back under the blankets when Daniel grabs the blanket, throwing it completely off of Seongwoo.

 

“You’re coming with us.”

 

Seongwoo groans. “Look, I’m really not in the mood to be your buffer right now, and honestly, you guys have been hitting it off so well by yourselves for so long already you’ll be fi-“

 

Daniel rolls his eyes. “I don’t need you to be my buffer, Seongwoo. But honestly, it’s been two weeks. It looks like your crops have been dying. You need sun, and by sun, I mean you need to go out, and _by you need to go out,_ I mean you need social interaction, and by _that_ I mean you’re coming to this party.”

 

Seongwoo protests. “My crops are _not_ dying! I’m fine. I’m just tired lately, is all.”

 

Daniel raises his eyebrow again.

 

“Lookity here, Seongwoo,” Daniel says firmly. “Jisung-hyung and I both agree you have to go to this party, for the sake of you not moping around in here for god knows what. And with that, he’s assigned me this very tedious task to get you to go. Or else he shows the unspeakable JYP audition video I sent in, in the poor summer of 2010, to Jihoon. So _help me god,_ you’re going to that party tonight.”

 

Seongwoo sighs. He contemplates his options, but in the end he decides that just because he’s undeserving of love doesn’t mean Daniel has to suffer as well. He hates to admit it, but after trying so hard, Daniel kind of deserves Jihoon.

 

“I don’t want to third wheel you and Jihoon,” he pouts, trying out the last excuse he has in his book.

 

Daniel grins, knowing Seongwoo was giving in to the idea. “No worries, Jisung-hyung is coming.”

 

“I have nothing to wear?”

 

“That’s a lie, Ong Seongwoo. Don’t think I don’t know you have a hidden stash of sexy button downs in your closet.”

 

“How di-“

 

“I steal them occasionally when I go to hang out with Jihoon,” Daniel waves the question off.

 

“I can’t _beli-“_

 

“So it’s decided then!” Daniel shouts in glee. “We leave at seven and we’re meeting Jisung-hyung and Jihoon there, so be ready by then, ‘kay?”

 

Seongwoo makes a noise to confirm. Minhyun wouldn’t be there, right? _No,_ he thinks. _Minhyun’s not the type._

 

Minhyun’s said in passing that he’s never preferred parties, mostly for the fact that he wasn’t a big alcohol drinker.

 

He’s in the middle of contemplating with himself whether to back out last minute and fake a cold (for extra security against Daniel’s and Jisung’s wrath) when Daniel pops his head back into his doorway.

 

“Hey, Seongwoo?”

 

“Hmmm?” Seongwoo looks up at him.

 

“I don’t know what happened between you and Minhyun, but I want you to know that whatever it is, it’ll be alright, you know?”

 

Seongwoo stiffens at the mention of Minhyun’s name. He laughs inwardly, waving his hand around.

 

“Thanks Dan, but don’t worry about it. There comes a time when you realize you have to stop being selfish, and it’s just that — right now, that’s the time. I’ll be fine though,” he says softly.

 

Daniel frowns. “You know that’s a fucked up way of thinking, right?”

 

“Fucked up?” Seongwoo mirrors his frown. Daniel, telling him the very basis of why he’s been doing what he’s been doing for the past two weeks is fucked up? “Look, you don’t kno-“

 

“You wanting love doesn’t mean you’re selfish,” Daniel states matter-of-factly.

 

“You didn’t even let me explain the circu- _wait._ How did you know?” Seongwoo doesn’t remember telling anyone he’s in love with Minhyun. In fact, he’s _sure_ of it. In part, due to the fact that Seongwoo was afraid of speaking it into existence.

 

Daniel sighs heavily, already starting to retreat back into his room.

 

“Everyone knows, Seongwoo. Remember what I said, alright?” he calls out.

 

* * *

 

 

Seongwoo is a changed man.

 

 _He’s a changed man, he’s not in love with Minhyun, and he looks hot as hell,_ he repeats to himself -- a mantra.

 

 _Amazing what a thin, silky button down can do to your self-esteem,_ he thinks.

He sighs.

No matter how dressed up he had gotten, only one of those things seemed to be true.

 

(It was the, _he looks hot as hell_ one, by the way).

 

The mantra was almost, successful, _almost_ , until a certain second year with a snaggletooth came bounding over to Seongwoo five minutes after he entered the cramped apartment.

 

Music is blaring loudly, and from what Seongwoo can tell in the dim lighting, all the furniture (like, one couch and a foldable chair, honestly) are shoved to the side to make room for the crowd of dancers.

 

Woojin shoves a drink into Seongwoo’s hand as he greets Daniel with a bro hug.

 

“Welcome!” he yells over the loud music, grinning. “Jisung and Jihoon are in the kitchen!”

 

Daniel nods in acknowledgment, throwing in a “Sick party, Woojin!” as he takes off to go find Jihoon. Seongwoo’s hot on his track, only a step behind Daniel, clutching onto his red solo cup, when Woojin grabs his arm.

 

“Hey dude,” Woojin says, moving closer to whisper in Seongwoo’s ear. “Minhyun’s out in the balcony, if you’re looking for him!”

 

Seongwoo’s heart drops. Minhyun’s here?

 

“ _Minhyun’s here?”_

 

Woojin looks at him oddly. “Yeah. You didn’t know?”

 

“Why would I know?” Seongwoo responds a bit too defensively.

 

“Well,” Woojin pauses. “‘Cos you’re Minhyun and Seongwoo?”

 

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

 

“ _Huh?”_ Woojin shouts in response, making a gesture towards his ear. The music‘s too loud.

 

“ _What is that even supposed to MEAN?”_

 

“You know!” Woojin yells back, moving closer to Seongwoo so he doesn’t strain his throat.

 

Woojin’s habit of waving his arms around while explaining things causes him to jerk his cup around and for beer to slosh on his jeans. “You’re just Minhyun and Seongwoo. Attached at the hip and all.”

 

Seongwoo furrows his eyebrows. “We’re not atta-”

 

“Dude, sorry to cut you off, but I gotta clean myself up,” Woojin gestures to the growing beer stain on his light wash jeans. “Don’t wanna make it seem like I pissed myself, you know?”

 

With a chuckle, and a wave, he leaves Seongwoo in the crowd by himself -- Daniel nowhere in sight, bodies pushed up against him, and mixed hybrid drink that was a little too fruity for his liking.

 

He sighs. He leaves the drink onto the first surface he sees, allowing himself to be swallowed by the crowd dancers in the small space to get through to the kitchen, where he was hoping Daniel, Jisung, and Jihoon were. His lips are pursed into a pout, annoyed that Daniel ditched him so early on, annoyed that Minhyun is _here,_ when Minhyun hates parties, annoyed that there’s no logical explanation as to why he can’t seem to escape Minhyun, and annoyed at himself for missing Minhyun so much that he’s five seconds away from going on a witch hunt around this goddamn party, just to see Minhyun again, for the first time in two weeks.

 

But as the universe would have it, he doesn’t need those five seconds. Because in the throng of dancing bodies, and the universe’s perseverance, Seongwoo finds himself being pushed into a familiar body, looking at a familiar face, eyes widened, and still as pretty from the last time he saw them.

 

“Oh god, I’m so-” Seongwoo freezes.

 

The first thing he notices is how good Minhyun looks tonight. In a white t-shirt, and a maroon cardigan thrown over it, he looks beautiful. Hair ruffled, and a slight tint of red on his cheeks, a gloss on his skin that can only be attributed to effects of alcohol, Minhyun still looks beautiful. As always.

 

The second thing he notices, are the dark eyebags that seem to have grown in since the last time he’s seen Minhyun, and the undeniable look of hurt in his eyes. A frown on his lips.

 

“Minhyun,” Seongwoo breathes out.

 

“I-” Minhyun says. Stops. “Come with me?”

 

Seongwoo doesn’t know what else to say, doesn’t know how to tell him _no, i think i’ll go back home now_ or _no, i miss you so much but i really shouldn’t_ so instead, he nods, and blindly follows Minhyun to wherever he was already heading off to.

 

Wherever he was heading off to, turns out to be the balcony again, where it was empty -- most people having abandoned the tiny area to go dance inside.

 

Seongwoo awkwardly settles into the squeaky, foldable chair in the corner of the tiny pavement. He feels humiliated, like a child caught in a lie. Minhyun stands, leaning on the railing of the balcony, looking out into the stars, a blank expression on his face.

 

He moves his chair on each of it’s feet. The silence hurts, so he fills it with every squeak the chair makes. He waits for Minhyun to say something, but when it’s clear that Minhyun wasn’t going to be the first one to say something, he takes a deep breath.

 

“I thought you didn’t like parties?”

 

If he wasn’t staring so intently at Minhyun, he thinks he could’ve missed the way Minhyun’s skin prickles.

 

“You’ve been busy, and Jonghyun’s been trying to get me to go to more of these so,” Minhyun shrugs.

“I-” Seongwoo starts, but he doesn’t really know how to respond to that. “Did you have fun tonight? Did you drink any?”

 

Minhyun pats his still red cheeks with his hand, and shivers. “Like. Four sips of some beer someone shoved into my hand. God, I’m a lightweight. I’m already starting to feel drunk.”

 

“Ah,” is all Seongwoo responds.

 

He doesn’t know what else to say. Though Minhyun’s tone is considerably lighter, he still refuses to look at Seongwoo.

 

Seongwoo’s heart aches, and he shuts his eyes tightly.

 

“Look, I,” Seongwoo’s eyes shoot open, and he finds Minhyun looking at him, now.

 

His eyes are devoid of any ounce of coldness he might’ve shown minutes earlier, instead expression soft, pleading. Seongwoo doesn’t deserve Minhyun.

 

“I missed you, you know?” Minhyun hesitates, and the slight waver in his voice is almost enough for Seongwoo to tell him everything.

 

About how he’s not sure of his feelings but he thinks he’s in love with him, how he only knows that he kind of wants to play with Minhyun’s hair all the time, and maybe kiss his nose, and _adopt a parrot with him._

 

“I just,” Minhyun pauses, and furrows his eyebrows. He starts fiddling with the ends of his cardigan sleeve, his voice trailing off as he thinks through what he’s about to say next. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

“What? No!”

 

“Is there something wrong, then?” Minhyun presses on. “‘Cos.”

 

Seongwoo watches Minhyun’s face fall, and he slumps in his chair. “I- _God,_ no. There’s nothing wrong, Minhyun. Not with you.”

 

Minhyun’s face is distraught, as if he’s having a conflict within himself, and Seongwoo wonders for a second if he’s doing this all wrong. He reaches out to grab Minhyun’s hand, his hand tucked into the sleeves of his cardigan jacket and he sighs.

 

“It’s just something I’m going through, alright?” he reassures Minhyun. “ _God,_ you didn’t do anything, okay?”

 

“I- okay.”

 

“Okay?” Seongwoo asks.

  
They both know that there’s more to whatever’s happened to them, to their relationship than that, more to why their relationship stalled, but for now, neither of them presses on.

 

It’s okay for now.

 

* * *

 

Four sips of beer does hit Minhyun pretty quickly, and Seongwoo is appalled by how absolutely _shitfaced_ and sluggish Minhyun starts acting with four sips of beer.

 

It’s quick and enough of a hassle that after they go back inside after talking on the balcony, Minhyun’s already morphed into a tomato -- what with the infamous Asian glow, and all - as he’s giggling and taking extra interest in everything around him.

 

He decides it’s best for Minhyun to go home and get some rest rather than stay at the party, so after wrapping his arm around Minhyun’s waist, he hobbles around, Minhyun in tow to look for Daniel and Jisung to say his farewells. He catches sight of them in the corner of the living room, watching as Jisung and an unknown guy, team up to play beer pong.

 

He quickly explains the situation to Daniel, knowing well enough not to interrupt Jisung when he’s playing beer pong.

 

Daniel nods, and tells him to get home safe, and as he waves at both him and Minhyun, he doesn’t miss the way Jihoon’s other hand is clasped tightly around Daniel’s.

  
  


  
  
  
By the time they make it up the stairs to Seongwoo’s dorm, Minhyun’s mumbling to himself and latching onto Seongwoo. He’s getting distracted easily, pulling at Seongwoo’s ears, and Seongwoo’s shirt, as Seongwoo (slightly) irritatedly tries to unlock the door with one arm wrapped around Minhyun’s waist and the other, fiddling with multiple keys on his keychain.   
  
When he finally gets it unlocked, it’s a matter of shoving Minhyun inside, and locking the door behind him. By the time he gets the door shut, Minhyun’s thrown off his shoes to the side, lying face down onto his couch. Minhyun’s a little (a lot) too big for the couch, so his calves dangle awkwardly off the armrest.   
  
Seongwoo sighs and seriously contemplates leaving him there, but he figures his couch is shit and decides to pad over to Minhyun and drag him to his room.   
  
“Minhyun...” he whispers, pushing Minhyun’s hair away from his eyes. “Minhyun... Get up. It’s not comfortable here.”   
  
Minhyun elicits a groan.   
  
“C’mon, Minhyun, don’t you wanna sleep somewhere comfier? Where you’ll fit?” he smiles a bit at Minhyun’s red face.   
  
Minhyun doesn’t reply, but finally lifts his head slightly and adjusts his body, so Seongwoo’s able to wrap his arms around his waist again.   
  
It takes a lot of prodding on Seongwoo’s part, but Minhyun finally cooperates and they’re able to stagger into the hallway and into Seongwoo’s room.   
  
He’s barely got Minhyun thrown onto his bed, and is in the midst of tucking him into his blankets, when Minhyun moans and wraps a hand around Seongwoo’s wrist.   
  
He freezes.   
  
“You’ll sleep here, right?” Minhyun’s voice is low and gravelly, the alcohol and sleep deprivation catching up to him.   
  
Seongwoo shakes his head. “I’ll sleep on the cou-”   
  
“But you can stay here. It’s your bed,” he says it plainly, matter-of-factly.   
  
“I don’t think I should.”   
  
“ _Seongwoo_ ,” his voice cracks. “Cuddle with me.”   


“ _Minhy_ -”   
  
“Just,” he hiccups. Rubs his eyes. “Please?”   
  
And Seongwoo doesn’t know what it is with Minhyun. With Minhyun and his ability to convince Seongwoo to do almost anything he asks. But he does it anyway. Slips off his shoes, and under the blanket with Minhyun.   


Even if it makes him even more confused. Even when this makes everything more complicated. Even then.

  
And suddenly, Minhyun’s got his face stuck in the crook of Seongwoo’s neck, their legs tangled together.   
  
Seongwoo sighs.   
  
“ _Sleep_ ,” Minhyun whispers. He feels Minhyun’s lips move against his neck, warm.   
  
It’s the best sleep he’s had in months.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hooooo hooo hoooooo
> 
> #updated tags??????/
> 
> did anyone notice.. slight angst this chapter. only slight though, right??? hahah not that bad.... uh uh uh
> 
> and god darn seongwoo. get it together
> 
> side note: it's my birthday tomorrow! hehe, was actually planning on posting this tomorrow, in honor of my birthday but was actually just too excited for this chapter that i'm posting it a couple 20 hours early
> 
> ONE MORE CHAPTER womp womp
> 
> anyways, lemme know what u think, i'd love to hear it!
> 
> as always, u can find me [here](https://twitter.com/guaniinist)!


	3. iii. memento mori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo thinks the road to self-realization is short, and the road to self-acceptance long.

When Seongwoo wakes up, Minhyun’s gone.

 

Something aches in his chest, and he tries his best to ignore it. He turns his body in the empty space next to his -- looking at the slight dip in his bed and the ruffled sheets. The only indication that Minhyun was actually there. It smells like him too, and Seongwoo sighs.

 

Somehow, even if it meant that avoiding Minhyun for two weeks got him nowhere, and seeing him last night made his heart swell, leaving him even more confused than ever, he feels content. Not happy, because happiness looks like waking up next to Minhyun’s arms still wrapped around his waist, the lingering feeling of Minhyun’s lips on his neck.

 

Not sad though, because sadness looks like not seeing Minhyun at all, not sleeping next to him just once, not having the best sleep he’s had in months.

 

So for now, he’s content.

 

He misses Minhyun.

 

* * *

 

 

Seongwoo meets up for breakfast (brunch) ( _late_ brunch) with Daniel.

 

Jihoon tags along.

 

(Seongwoo meets up for breakfast with Daniel and Jihoon.)

 

He slides into the booth and Daniel and Jihoon are giggling to themselves.

 

He ignores the longing and jealousy he feels in his heart. He wants that too, and Seongwoo’s already starting to regret agreeing to get food with them.

 

(He doesn’t really mind. Jihoon is funny, and his best friend’s in love.)

 

“Gross,” he states, wrinkling his nose and picking at his pancakes. Daniel’s ordered his chocolate chip pancakes already. “Also, when did this happen? Jihoon, are you sure about this? Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? Blink twice if you need help.”

 

Daniel sticks his tongue out as Jihoon’s face lights up and he giggles.

 

“We paired up for beer pong last night and after we won, he kissed me,” Daniel grins, bunny teeth all on display as he happily starts cutting into his waffle.  


“In my defense, he was never going to do it first,” Jihoon defends, waving around his fork and knife animatedly as he talks. “Been floating around me for so long, but couldn’t even read the signs that I liked him back!”

 

Seongwoo chuckles, shaking his head. “Sounds like Daniel.”

 

“Sounds like _you,”_ Daniel accuses.

 

“My dear Daniel, I have no idea what you mean,” Seongwoo states dramatically, shoving a stack of pancake bits into his mouth.

 

He sways along to the background music in the diner, content with food in his stomach after a long night.

 

“Speaking of last night,” Jihoon starts, looking at Jihoon curiously. “I hope you don’t mind, but Daniel told me what’s happening with Minhyun?”

 

Seongwoo turns his head to shoot daggers at Daniel. Daniel suddenly starts finding his waffle interesting, poking at it like he’s looking at it through a microscope. He sighs, he should’ve known. Daniel can’t keep his mouth shut for his life.

 

“Are you guys cool now?” Jihoon continues.

 

“Mr. Park Jihoon, you’re awfully nosy,” Seongwoo says.

 

Jihoon starts turning red, a look of shame slowly getting plastered to his face when Seongwoo grins.

 

“I’m kidding. Totally kidding,” Seongwoo laughs.

 

“Kinda,” he adds.

 

Jihoon opens his mouth, an apology on the tip of his tongue, when Seongwoo waves it off.

 

“I don’t know,” he sighs, answering Jihoon’s question. “Would I be here right now if everything was cool now?”  


He laughs, but there’s a strain in his voice. By the way Daniel and Jihoon slightly flinch is an indication of the pity they feel for him. Seongwoo thinks hates it.

 

“Did anything happen when you guys left?” Daniel asks, reaching over to take a sip of Jihoon’s lemonade.

 

Jihoon makes a slight noise of protest, but he’s grinning with no hint of anger on his face.

 

Seongwoo shrugs. “He got drunk. Off of like four sips of beer, by the way, -- it was cute -- but, yeah. We passed out in my room.”

 

“Together?”

 

“I mean, yeah? He, uh,” Seongwoo stops, cheeks getting warm thinking about the night before. “Asked me to cuddle with him?”

 

Jihoon squeaks, and Daniel let’s out a “Dude?”

 

Seongwoo looks in between them. “What?”

 

“He literally asked to cuddle with you?”

 

“Friends cuddle with each other,” Seongwoo defends himself. “And he was drunk.”

 

“But it’s you and _Minhyun,”_ Daniel reasons.

 

Jihoon nods in agreement.

 

Seongwoo looks at Jihoon, eyebrows raised. “You’ve never even seen me with Minhyun!”

 

Jihoon ears tinge pink. “Yeah, but it’s you and _Minhyun._ Everyone knows you guys are attached at the hip.”

 

 _Attached at the hip._ Seongwoo briefly remembers what Woojin said about them last night.

 

“What is that even supposed to mean? Everyone keeps saying that?”

 

“Like.” Jihoon pauses to swallow the food in his mouth. “Everyone knows you two are always together. One without the other is weird? Like two puzzle pieces. Meant for each other.”

 

Seongwoo frowns. “Meant for each other?”

 

Jihoon wrinkles his eyebrows, turning to Daniel. “Help me out here, I don’t know how to explain it.”

 

Daniel hums. “Seongwoo, what do you think about Minhyun?”

 

Seongwoo looks at him dumbly. “I think he’s a great friend? He makes me happy and makes me laugh and is there for me whenever. He bakes me cookies. Cleans my room. Likes having me around. I like having _him_ around.”

 

“That’s great, but those are all just basic things. Why do you think he’s a great friend? What do you feel when you see him? And hang around him?”

 

“He,” he stops. “I don’t know what you mean?”

 

Jihoon speaks up.

 

“When I look at Daniel, I wanna kiss him all the time,” he announces. Daniel squeaks, but Jihoon just barely tinges pink before he continues. “And be domestic and have dinner with him all the time.”

 

“But TV dinners because we’re all broke college students here,” he adds. “And I wanna fall asleep next to him every night, and you know, hold his hand and all.”

 

Jihoon leans into Daniel, and Daniel can’t keep the grin off his face.

 

“How does Minhyun make you feel, Seongwoo?”

  


* * *

 

 

  
Seongwoo thinks he wants to kiss Minhyun. And make TV dinners with him. And fall asleep next to him at night. And maybe, hold his hand.

 

* * *

 

 

Minhyun texts him later that night, while Seongwoo is sitting lazily on the couch, looking into space.

 

**_emperor hwang_ **

im sorry i left so early

 

**_emperor hwang_ **

i forgot i had a study group session to attend

 

**_emperor hwang_ **

i wasnt ignoring u tho

 

**_emperor hwang_ **

promise

  


Somehow, the last texts hit Seongwoo guiltily.

 

**_gag king ong_ **

its ok

 

**_gag king ong_ **

I  didnt think u were ignoring me

 

Seongwoo thinks maybe he can leave it at that, before his fingers are typing on their own and he’s sending a slew of texts.

 

**_gag king ong_ **

im sorry

 

**_gag king ong_ **

hang tomorrow?

 

**_emperor Hwang_ **

noon? :)

 

**_gag king ong_ **

see u there

 

Seongwoo slides into the booth as late as always, and Minhyun’s there, wiping the utensils. It feels normal, and Seongwoo’s  heartbeat slows -- a feeling of calmness taking place in comparison to the consistent, fast-paced beat his heart made on the way to the lunch place.

 

Minhyun smiles at him, almost languidly.

 

“Hiya,” he says softly. “Ordered your pancakes already.”

 

It’s like Minhyun’s standing on eggshells around him, and he hates it.

 

He smiles in return.

 

“How are you?”

 

Minhyun shrugs. “Tired. Have another group project.”

 

Seongwoo’s skin prickles. “Ah.. same group?”

 

“Yeah, we all chose to be in the same group again.”  


“So everything’s fine with you and Jaehwan?”

 

“I- what?” Minhyun looks at him confused. “What do you mean?”

 

Seongwoo tries to steady his voice. “Nothing bad! Just wondering, if you ended up hitting it off. Since you guys are going to be in the same group and all.”

 

“I’m - I mean - I guess?” Minhyun still looks confused. “We all just work together is all.”

 

Seongwoo nods in understanding, and he feels like Minhyun’s tone is indicating that Jaehwan is not the topic he wants to be discussing right now, but somehow, Seongwoo’s mouth starts talking without a filter and he presses on.

 

“How many dates have you been on with him?”

 

“I’m,” Minhyun frowns. “Just that one.”

 

Seongwoo nods in understanding as the food comes. His mind is racing a mile a minute, as he absentmindedly starts picking at his food.

 

He had convinced himself all last night that he couldn’t say anything to Minhyun about how he felt because Minhyun had Jaehwan. And Jaehwan was great.

 

He never met Jaehwan but Minhyun said he was great, so he had to be great, right? But now, Seongwoo sits confused, the whole basis of his thought process being broken down.

 

 _He could hold Minhyun’s hand,_ he thinks. Right now, if he wanted to.

 

Yet he doesn’t, and instead, pries on.

 

“Why not? I thought he was great? Not into the dumpling look?”

 

He adds the last bit as a joke, something to lighten up the dimmed mood. He laughs a bit, and looks to Minhyun to gauge his reaction, but when he does, Minhyun looks different from what he’s expecting.

 

“I- why do we keep talking about Jaehwan?” Minhyun seems almost anxious at this point, voice going at different pitches, as he stares at Seongwoo confused.

 

Seongwoo looks taken aback, and stares at Minhyun with wide eyes, surprised at the tiny outburst.

 

“I didn’t mean to pry,” he says softly. “If you don’t like Jaehwan that’s alright.”

 

Minhyun looks at him now, lips pursed and with a completely different aura than how he greeted Seongwoo almost twenty minutes prior, his eyebrows in a straight, downward line.

 

“I-it’s not that? I just? Why are we talking about Jaehwan when we should be talking about us? And I’m trying to act like everything’s fine between us, but it’s not? It’s _not_ , and you for some reason keep talking about Jaehwan, and I’m just so?” Minhyun’s rambling now, and Seongwoo learns another thing about Minhyun.

 

When Minhyun’s upset, his Busan satoori comes out.

 

Seongwoo thinks he’s never heard Minhyun’s satoori come out before.

 

“You’re making me confused and upset, Ong Seongwoo, and I hate it,” Minhyun’s staring harshly now, but at his food, refusing to make eye contact with Seongwoo. His grip around his utensils are hardened.

 

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” Seongwoo says, softly.

 

He wants to say more, but still, _still,_ even now he can’t say anything. _Why can’t he say anything?_

 

He hates himself for it.

 

It feels like eternity before Minhyun looks at him, and when he does, Minhyun’s eyes look tired.

 

“I feel like a fool,” Minhyun states. “I’m tired and feel like a fool. I feel like a fool after I’ve been ignored for two weeks for god knows what, after I’ve been ignored by one of my favorite people in the whole, wide world, and I feel like a fool for getting upset-drunk of off four sips of beer _because_ of said favorite person in the world, and I feel like a fool for getting upset in a fucking _brunch place?_ Because of said favorite person in the world.”

 

Seongwoo gulps, and wants to say something. Minhyun’s given him so many chances to say something, and yet he can’t. He can’t.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I just,” Minhyun sighs. “I wasn’t going to bring this up, you know. I just. I just wanted us to go back to our dynamic. Why can’t we go back to our dynamic?”

 

 _That's what he's been trying so hard to hold onto_ , Seongwoo wants to frustratedly explain.

 

Instead, he just looks at Minhyun dejectedly.

 

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiya wow
> 
> short chapter update T_T im sorry! i'll be going to korea this tuesday for 2 weeks and dont know when i can next updated so i wanted to give u at least a lil SMTHN before i leave
> 
> also completely COMPLETELY sorry because i promised this fic to be 3 chapters but here we are to me changing it to 4!
> 
> FOUR really will be the last chapter!
> 
> i just made this, a very SHORT update, and the way with the flow and the dynamic of this current chapter it just wasn't right to end it here?
> 
> i know seongwoo's being really confusing rn but TT just hold on..
> 
> (fact, i've actually based him off of me, and Me, unable to gauge my own feelings haha)
> 
> (i think u'll proper understand why he's being that way if u kind of read the chapter summary and think a little bit more)
> 
> (but if u didn't -- seongwoo loves minhyun and he KNOWS this yet he keeps somehow trying 2 convince himself that they can't be together)
> 
> (hence why Now, it's a complete 180 from the previous chapter, he's kind of even hoping? minhyun likes jaehwan)
> 
> (why? becos he's trying to convince himself theres another reason why him and minhyun cant be together)
> 
> (u know, other than the fact that he's just really mcfokin scared of their dynamic changing and he doesnt really realize why he keeps pushing minhyun away but he just keeps doing it anyway)
> 
> (so instead he's being weird and distancing himself and fuckin it up until he realizes he was so desperate to keep their dynamic that he completely changed it anyway to the opposite/negative direction)
> 
> (self-acceptance, self-awareness, rushed confessions, and finally, maybe, kisses to ensue)
> 
> btw, how'd yall like jihoon/daniel dynamic lol
> 
> ik jisung kinda disappeared a lil HE BACK NEXT CHAPTER TO SLAP SEONGWOO IN THE FACE W REALITY
> 
> (uno, some jisung disappearance kinda necessary to show how seongwoo distancing himself from Basically every1)
> 
> sorry 4 long ending note! as always, u can find me [here](https://twitter.com/guaniinist)!


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